Turd Joke

What's the poop's favorite candy?

Reese's Feces

Free Willy

Where do whales get braces?

At the orcadontist.

Oxymoron

No habla espanol.

Cake

Why did the chocolate cake buy an airplane?

Because it was rich.

Halloween

How do kids get drunk on Halloween?

They go candy bar hoping.

Religion

Why did Mary move into the manger?

She wanted Jesus to have a stable home.

Horse

Have you heard about the horse comedian?


He does impersoNaaaaaaaaaytions.

Naners

Why did the man eat the banana?

Because it was a-peeling.

turds again

Did you hear about the poops migrating to the US?

They want to be American shitizens.

True Fact. No Lie. Series: Part 1

Did you know that Roald Dahl's Matilda was actually his fan-fiction prequel to Stephen King's Carrie.   If you read the book Matilda you'll notice the lines "and the devil was in her eyes" several times.

True fact. No lie.


                 

  

Dogs

Why did the dogs get parking tickets?

Because they were parallel barking.

Bad Dogs

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Hair

Why don't you want to be in line with a barber?

Because they cut.

boardgames

What do you call Scrabble for the illiterate?

Scribble.  

Smellfish

What kind of poop lives in a shell?

A hermit crap.

Grammar

Did you hear about the sentence that went rogue?

He's a rebel without a clause.

Binky The Clown

Why was the clown put in quarantine?

Because his smile was infectious.

The Red Baron

Why does Charlie Brown take his pole dancing routine so seriously?

Because he's tired of doing comic strips. 

chicken

What do you call a chicken that has to do everything just right?

A per-peck-tionist.

Bread

How come nobody cares about Indian flatbread?

Because it's a naan-entity.