Cut and Paste.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TL27LTic_Qo&feature=youtu.be

XMas.

What did the mom get her trendy baby for Christmas?

Gucci, gucci.

Miss Muffet.

Why did Miss Muffet become a trucker?

For the whey stations.

Teacher.

What do you call a teacher who farts a lot?

a tooter.

Art.

What do you call it when a statue gets caught doing drugs?

A bust.

Kitty.

What do you call a company in California owned by a cat?

Cali. Co.

Logger.

What celebrity would make the best logger?

Justin Timberrrrr-lake.

Knees and Toes

Why shouldn't you trust an elbow?

Because it's a crook.

Nice Smile.

Why do Eastern Europeans have good teeth?

Because they're Brushin'.

One Liner.

My old man is so up tight when we go to Friendly's he gets a handshake.

Surgeon Shmurgeon

What did the angry Italian American heart surgeon say?

Why aorta!!

Ronald.

How does Ronald McDonald congratulate you?

He gives you a high fry-ve.

thought.

Telling someone a crazy dream you had and playing the harmonica are the same in that nobody really wants to hear it. It only sounds cool to you. Nobody will tell you to stop but they're glad when it's over.

Potty Joke.

What kind of poops do joggers have?

The runs.

Birds 3.0

What did the bird say when it slam dunked?

Now that's what I'm SQUAWKIN' ABOUT!

Goose.

What do you call a goose over eighty?

An old geese-r.

Woodsland.

Why don't trees drink beer?

Because they're afraid of lagers.

Music Lovers.

Why didn't the tape stay at the old motel?

Because it was CD.

Nature 2.0

What did the tree say when it say a shooting star?

That was unbe-leaf-able!

Potty 2.0

What's the poo's favorite government office?

Department of In-turd-al affairs.

Hogs.

Why did the farmers handwriting stink?

Because he used a pigpen.

Windows.

How come nobody wants to be a window?

Because it's a pane.

Dino.

What do you call a dinosaur with a knowledge of the fine arts?

A Connoissaur.

Birds 2.0

What did the bird workout at the gym?

His pecks.

Cafe.

Why is it expensive to have a cold in a Starbucks?

Because of the cough-fees.

Potty.

What did the turd use to wash its hair?

Sham-poo.

Tea.

How does Earl Grey laugh?

Tea hee hee.

Heartbreak.

What did one germ say to the other while breaking up?

You make me sick!

Ducks.

Why did the flock of ducks go broke?

Too many bills.

Cat.

What do cats make good story tellers?

Because they have the best tales.

Hannibal.

Did you know Hannibal Lecter wanted to be a knight so bad he made a coat of arms?

Boing

What's a kangaroos favorite job?

A bouncer

Technology 2.0

What do you call an iPad that teaches you life lessons?

an iDad

Turkey.

Why didn't the turkey eat dessert?

Because it was stuffed.

Serpent.

What was the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-tory.

Science.

What did the man who studied plants do when he broke his patella?

He botany.

Birds.

What do you get when you put a goose in a car?

Honk honk.

Gouls.

What do baby vampires say?

I van't to suck your thummmbbbbb.

Felines.

Why don't I watch TV with my cat?

Because it keeps pressing paws.

Jungle Gym.

What did the cheetah say to the gymnast?

Don't worry, I'll spot you.

Knock.

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Hike.

Hike who?

No thanks, I don't care for poetry.

Nature?

Did you hear about the tortoise who went to the hospital?

He died from in-turtle bleeding.

Turtle Dove?

How does a bird measure solutions?

With it's beak-er.

Technology?

What do you call a smiling iPad?

An iGlad

Maps?

What do you call an online atlas that won't stop laughing?

Giggle Maps.